Your Version of Success is Deeply Personal
- V.J. Gomes
- Jul 6
- 5 min read
One June afternoon, I was sitting in our family’s living room, watching TV while my Aunt Olive reviewed my report card. She sighed deeply and began to chastise me about my overall average: 91 percent, an A grade. Her real issue, though, was my class rank. I had placed 11th.
I was eight years old and genuinely proud of those results. I had already done my own internal postmortem. Yes, I could have focused more, but I got an A. I was satisfied and already looking forward to my summer break.
Aunt Olive, however, wasn’t prepared for my response. I told her, simply, that I did my best. She responded, “Ten of your classmates are smarter than you.” I replied, “I don’t care. It does not change how smart I am.” My results pleased me, and that was enough. She continued to stare at me, and after a long pause, she walked away. She never brought up my grades or any other perceived shortcomings again.
To this day, that moment reminds me that success is deeply personal. To Aunt
Olive, success meant being the best. To me, it meant doing my best. My performance positioned me near the top achievers in the class. Contemporary
psychologists suggest that this proximity may have continuously motivated me to
improve my performance. This was enough for me at that time, and to some extent, I have not changed my opinion.
Years later, A.V. Andrew and I wrote our book, “Consciously Quitting: A Guide for
Navigating Your Career Transition”, to inspire our readers to dig deeper into their lives to find greater meaning beyond the surface of ‘Workism’. We all know that there is so much more to life than work. We can all agree that achieving a healthy work-life balance is a huge part of framing our personal wellbeing. Maintaining that balance has implications for the very work we are doing. We can all also accept that self- actualization lies at the heart of whether we consider ourselves successful.
What does this mean in the grand scheme of things? In my opinion, whatever you
decide to do and however you frame your life, it will be deeply personal, specific to your own values. Your idea of success is indeed very personal.
Perception Versus Perspective
How you experience your place the world and how you respond to it will ultimately
shape your perceptions and inevitably your actions. Perception is how you view your life and wider surroundings using your five senses of sight, smell, taste, touch, and hearing.
However, your perspective is triggered by how you use measurable facts to gain a more refined point of view.
Ask yourself pointed questions to gauge your perception and measure your perspective
on success.
What does being successful mean to me: wealth, health, or some other concept?
Am I taking good care of myself?
Am I giving enough gratitude for how far I have come?
Am I stuck in the past, or am I balanced in the present while still planning for the future?
Can I celebrate others’ success without comparing it to my own?
Is Corporate Life a Scam?
A six-figure salary. A senior title. The boss’s praise for being “so reliable.” At first glance, it all looks like success. Similarly, when we work for a job where the atmosphere is supposed to be “like family” but actually invokes a vicious cycle of Friday bliss, Sunday dread, with a hamster wheel of deadlines and meetings heavily sprinkled throughout the week, this is a hard sell for all of us. It leaves very little to be excited about, right?
Let’s probe deeper with a few more questions:
What if the systems we work in were designed to support us instead of draining us?
What if we could shape work around our energy, our values, and our lives?
Could we create more thoughtful meetings, clearer expectations, and healthier
boundaries?
Most importantly, can we give ourselves permission to stop the people-pleasing?
Say it with me, “It is OK to have zero desire to be everything to everyone all of the
time.”
Some of us reach the C-suite and forget the sacrifices we made to get there. We
replicate the very patterns we once prayed to escape, calling it “paying dues.” Maybe the real flex is actively building better work life cultures for future generations to admire and replicate. If we led differently, more people would stay at their jobs instead of consciously quitting. Isn’t a better work life a significant mark of success?
Where Do We Go From Here?
There are numerous ways to measure where you are at in your life. Start by:
Leveraging what you already have: You have to appreciate where you currently are
while making room for any improvement(s). Check in with yourself regularly, speak to a close friend or a trusted professional. A wise expert once said that the gap between good and great is the acceptance of learning. Do not be afraid to keep learning more about yourself and what you need from your life.
Do not cling to the familiar: Change is inevitable. It is often said that growth begins
where and when your comfort zone ends. The rise of AI and shifting economies means you must get comfortable with the new reality of being constantly uncomfortable.
Focus on alignment not achievement: You can collect titles and still feel off-track. Ask yourself, “Why am I doing this?” When your “why” is clear, the direction becomes obvious. If it doesn’t make sense to you then you might be wasting your precious time.
Build relationships responsibly: Not everyone deserves VIP access to your time,
energy, or loyalty. Choose your people with care. Build trust slowly and end ties when necessary. (Please refer to our previous posts on networking for more insight on this topic.)
Stop the comparisons: If we accept that we are all on individual journeys, there really is no need for any comparative measuring, unless it inspires you to become even better. You cannot measure where you are if you are constantly looking into someone else’s life. Keep your focus on your own life decisions.
Final Thoughts…
As stated earlier, your version of success is deeply personal. As you reflect on your life and its trajectory, give yourself credit for everything you have been through while remaining open to all the possibilities and challenges that are still to come. Identify your sense of purpose or your ‘why’ and guard your well-being fiercely. Once you lead your career and life with intention, success is sure to follow!
Our wonderful Consciously Quitting team has a free resource just for you. Download the Hierarchy of Needs guide to help clarify what matters most to you right now.
While you’re here, please continue to enjoy the CQ Blog. We have posts on networking, exit manifestation, and much more, all written with your evolution in mind.
Your version of success is personal, and so are your needs. In Chapter Two of Consciously Quitting: A Guide to Navigating Your Career Transition, we discuss how Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs can guide you in clarifying what truly matters to you during your career journey. We’ve created a free, fillable Hierarchy of Needs printable to help you check in with yourself, identify what needs are being met, and see where you want to grow next. Whether you’re assessing your health, safety, relationships, confidence, or your drive to reach your potential, this guide will help you align your next steps with your personal definition of success. It’s a gentle yet powerful tool to ensure your choices reflect your values, not just external expectations. Download your copy today and start framing your career and life around what truly matters to you.
V.J. Gomes is the co-founder of Consciously Quitting, a career-transition platform. Book her for a strategy session or keynote address.
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