Create the Rising Tide That Lifts Your Network of Love Boats

In our book, “Consciously Quitting: A Guide for Navigating Your Career Transition”, we speak about the importance of cultivating a Network of Love.

So, what exactly is a Network of Love? Think of it as your inner circle, almost tribal in nature, with shared values, accepted norms, and, most importantly, a tested and proven record of fellowship. These are your ride-or-die BFFs, your “ace deuces,” your lifetime-subscribed plus-ones. But they don’t just wander in. They earn their all-access pass by standing with you through real-life trials. In short: these people must be vetted.

Psychologists who study friendship often break social proximity into four levels of

acquaintance, casual friendship, close friendship, and intimate friendship. An

acquaintance is someone you have met but with whom you’ve shared little meaningful time. Casual friends share some common ground and occasional exchanges. Those who make it into your inner ring — your close and lifelong friends — have weathered major storms with you. They have seen you at your brightest and held space for you in your darkest hours. These are the ones who stay, and for them, we are deeply grateful.

Figure 1: Levels of Your Network

So how do you actually build this Network of Love? Here are some reflections and real-world tips to help you expand and strengthen your personal and professional tribe:

Identify Your Core Values to Identify Your Core Friends

If you want to find like-minded people to build trust and fellowship with, you need to start by identifying your own values and observing how they may vary over time. Some of my closest friends and mentors came into my life while I was working in Guyana. We were a group of passionate, driven professionals with shared dreams and visions and a deep understanding of what we wanted from our careers. As we began spending time together outside of work, our bond solidified into lasting fellowship.

From a literal perspective, your closest friends are those individuals with whom you have established significant trust over time. This involves ensuring alignment with most, if not all, of the values that are important to you and accommodating any changes that may occur as time progresses.

Paying It Forward With Kindness

Complementing strangers and spreading positivity can open doors to new connections, however, follow-through is what keeps you in the room. Consistent acts of kindness, showing up, helping out, and creating space for others, these acts are what truly deepen relationships. Support your core people. Show up when it matters. Hold space when they need it. If you genuinely support your core group, they are more likely to remember you whether times are good or bad. 

Build Leverage With and For Your Strongest Supporters

In time, you build a coalition of amazing, like-minded people who actually want to see you win. In fact, they make it their mission to make YOU their mission. 

Real power lies in creating opportunities for those around you. Share job postings, connect them with collaborators, recommend them for paid engagements, or just check in with real interest. Invite them into spaces where they can shine. When one of us rises, we all do! 

Take the time to help your friends even if they refuse to ask upfront. You never know what opening doors for others can do for you.

Final Thoughts…

Your Network of Love isn’t just a feel-good concept; it’s the strategic foundation for the empire you are building.  You are known by the company you keep, and if you cultivate a winning culture for your tribe, the doors they open for themselves will certainly become the doors they open for you! 

Stay tuned for future installments, where we will tackle issues such as how to absorb feedback at work and taking steps to truly enjoy the life you already have.

V.J. Gomes is the co-founder of Consciously Quitting, a career-transition platform. Book her for a strategy session or keynote address.

Grab your copy of Consciously Quitting: A Guide for Navigating Your Career Transition

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